When you run an online business, there’s pretty standard things you do to generate business: writing blog posts, being active on social media, networking at events and online. When I went on sabbatical in April, I stepped away from all of that into an emptiness, with no specific date for a planned return. I just knew I needed space, something was going to happen, and I would somehow know when to come back.
Having a fluid return date and not forcing or pressuring myself to “work” until I felt inspired to do so was a marked departure from how I’ve operated my whole life. Instead of pushing through to do what I was “supposed” to the “right” way and working hard to get that gold star, I just waited. If I’m really honest, part of me likes the martyr role, sacrificing to get appreciation, and this new way of operating made me feel lazy and self-indulgent.
It was really scary and hard to sit still and wait rather than doing, searching, fixing. I had to just be. Not knowing when my sabbatical would end or what would be on the other side made me feel powerless. But even though I wasn’t doing any of the traditional “income generating” activities, two new clients found their way into my fold. I took it as a sign that I was doing something right even though on paper it was “wrong”.
I kept waiting for this massive onset of clarity, this moment of feeling undeniably ready to move forward.
But it never came.
Instead, I felt a creative urge to start writing and ideas began bubbling up. I started writing, and decided to post this. Now I’m moving forward. Even though I don’t have the crystal clear plan I thought I would have, I feel like I’m being pulled forward. It’s so different from pushing myself.
“We’ll never be ready. So I guess that means we’re as ready as we’ll ever be.”
I’d love to know…
Where are you pushing yourself instead of waiting to be pulled?